Birthdays and Blogs

I have visited numerous blogs and had always held this “in the back of my throat” yearning to do the same.  I consistently come back to the thought of ….who would read it?  What deep words of wisdom or poetry could capture ones attention to be worth typing?  But, alas, if it only remains as a conversation between God and I, so be it.  Its purpose is completed.  I have always loved writing/creating.  I mostly began with journaling and writing lyrics.  Many of my lyrics never found a song but those that have I feel very proud of and that makes me feel even more mournful over those lyrics that had never been returned to.  I feel as if I let a gift slip through my fingers or somehow devalue that which has been entrusted to my musical creativity.  I’ll dig into that some other time. 

So on to more of my life…

Today is my birthday.  I am recovering from a terrible virus that has plagued me for over a week, and I am at home with my two little ones, who are good kids, but active and needy, while my husband, trying to be compassionate and loving, works out of town all week several hours away.  I should be joyous for this day, but I find myself constantly battling my internal need to be bitter and grip tightly to this “woe is me” mentality.  I have no use for this...and it benefits no one.  I constantly try to turn it around and thank God for the gifts and little victories of my day.  Sickness has a way of taking away your patience and clear thinking.  I have snapped a few times…I have cried…several times, but I rest in the Peace that passes all understanding.  I trust in the ultimate Healer who can carry me and my burdens…and listen and comfort me in my short “help me, Lord” prayers.  I will get through this.  I find myself trying to look to the day when I will feel back to normal, my husband is at home, and we all are “happy”.  We are called to live in each moment, though, to praise our Father in good times and bad…for another “challenge” will always be around the corner. As followers of Christ we must anticipate this. So Father, thank you for this day!  Thank you for when my kids are sweet and behave…thank you when my three year old displays his faith and prays over his mommy’s “owie”…thank you for sleeping, restful children when I need one myself.  Thank you for little baby giggles. You meet my needs and I praise you for that! And with that I leave you with the words scribed by Horatio Spafford regarding his response to a tragedy so much greater than our own. It is well with my soul.

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
 When sorrows like sea billows roll;


Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, 
It is well, it is well, with my soul

It is well, with my soul,
 It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
 Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
 And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
 My sin, not in part but the whole,
 Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
 Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
 If Jordan above me shall roll, 
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life 
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

     But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal; 
Oh, trump    

     of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord! 
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

          And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
 The     

          trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
 Even so, it is well with my soul"