What have you got to lose? (song series)

There are many times in my life when I struggle with wanting to stay in the shadows.  I, like many others, find it difficult to exit out of my comfort zone and do things that scare me.  I had heard this challenge before: “do something every day that scares you.”  I try to take it to heart.  I don’t necessarily seek out opportunities that I fear, but if one presents itself (that I feel called to do) I may, with hesitation, say that phrase under my breath, with a quick prayer, and do it.  I know great things come from putting yourself out there for a noble cause.  Being vulnerable, and open for rejection is not fun but after it is all said and done I usually find it wasn’t as bad as my very-exaggerated-negative-outcome-worst-case-scenario mind had conjured up. I know that was a ridiculous description - but I felt it.  Many times the blessings outweighed the risk ten fold and I find myself sitting there wondering why I made such a big deal about it.

This song was written in response to my often fearful attempts to share with others something that, to many, seem so controversial…primarily the gospel…but it can extend to many different areas of confrontation that I may have felt called to address or accomplish but rather I stand frozen in fear.  So, this was written as my motivator. 

“Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free. The LORD is on my side; I will not fear.  What can man do to me?” 

Psalm 118:5-6

This whole chapter is a gem displaying His steadfast love and I encourage you to read it!

Disclaimer: (get used to this statement) The songs posted are raw and live -no bells and whistles-rough drafts recorded on my iPad with only vocals and guitar. 

click here to listen to What Have You Got to Lose audio

What have you got to lose?

Becki J Buescher

God calls me to do

But I find I do not

Why so scared of what is unknown?

Will I be put down, humiliated, drug through the dirt?

I cannot sit back in fear

I won’t back down   I want no regrets

If I missed a chance to speak

My purpose wasn’t met

Its not for myself.  Not what I have to gain

Its what you’ve got to lose -what have you got to lose?

Rewards follow those who take a chance to give

and risk losing a piece of themselves

Trials will find me with attempts to bind me

And cause me to fall

His promises will stand

           

When I know the need’s more but

I’m scared of the door hitting me on the way out. 

For I feel God is near and He says do not fear

Or lose myself in doubt

Worship in the Waiting (song series)

I love writing songs. I am not trained professionally in any way…either vocally or in guitar, but have found joy in putting a melody to my thoughts. I began writing in college and have had the opportunity to record my first CD a little over 12 years ago. Since that time I have continued this cycle of writing lyrics, setting it aside, returning to it later to attempt to come up with a guitar part, then finish it off with a melody.

It then sits there in a journal. 

Lately I have been convicted about all the hoarding I do with my songs that I began organizing them and creating a journal of only finished songs…and I have accumulated many over the years.  I have had a great desire to record again but timing and resources seem to not be in my favor.  It will happen. I just don’t know when.

So, I have decided to begin posting some of my music. Some songs have never been heard before (not even by my husband).  If God has placed in me a song – I feel obligated to share it in hopes to encourage another.  It is sometimes very hard for me to share my songs.  It is a very vulnerable position.  They are my innermost personal thoughts and convictions and along with “developing” guitar skills, make critique, though good for development , VERY hard to accept without feeling a bit wounded.

Throughout the next several months I will begin sharing my songs.  Many will be just me and a guitar recorded on an iPad.  Hopefully soon I will be able to track them better in a studio of sorts. 

In the meantime I take Psalm 96:1 very literally.  

“Oh sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth!”

So I will sing my new songs to anyone who has ears to hear of His goodness.

Today, however, I will post a song many may have already heard from my first CD.  It is my Blog’s namesake “Worship in the Waiting”.  It was written in response to Psalm 73:26… and to worship in and through everything. 

“My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

You can check out my first CD Becki J “Roots” on iTunes or Amazon...or purchase a CD from me :)

May You be blessed in listening and reading!

CLICK ON LINK BELOW TO HEAR THE SONG

Worship in the Waiting AUDIO

Worship in The Waiting

Becki J Buescher

I will wait on You,

For Your plan to shine through

and though my flesh may fail

You have my heart

You are my Prince of Peace

May I pursue every part of You

I give my weakness to Your strength

and as I wait, I let go

Worship in the Waiting

Transcending all understanding

my heart and body long for that which I need

Your peace will succeed to comfort my soul

I give my eyes to Your face

My thoughts to Your Purity

My mind to Your Wisdom

 My soul to Your LIFE

Humbly Proud?

I may like to think of myself or appear to be a generous, giving, caring person.  But let me be the first to admit…I struggle with selfishness!  Oh how our selfish nature always finds a spot to sliver us in the side.  It seems to always bring our focus back on ourselves…what I don’t have…my excuses…what I feel like I deserve or am entitled to.  Me me me,….. I, I, I.  I may not be trying to puff myself up or show how great I am…but it is still pride.  “Woe is me” is not being humble.   When I focus on me…it is pride.  I have heard and like to use this phrase often…

"Humility is not thinking less of ourselves but thinking of ourselves less".

I have been looking at me too hard for too long.  How can I be motivated or changed when I look to myself for that change and challenge? My only hope comes from He who created me.  He knows every fiber of my being.  He knows how I tick, what defeats me and what motivates me.  Why do we struggle so hard to “get on track” with our lives and leave Him out?  Granted, it is never intentional to do it alone…I just happen to wallow in a struggle of defeat one day and realize…have I invited God into my mess today?   He wants what is best for us but He also knows when we need a kick in the pants…which I find I often do. J  When will I learn from other’s mistakes? He knows I learn best from personal failings I guess…lucky me.

 May I look to You, Lord , when defeat grips me. For only You have the power to change, to heal, to move me forward to be who you created me to be.   She IS in there.  A spirited giving woman empowered by joy and passion with a big vision to see what capabilities lay ahead to utilize and accomplish great things.  To not take up space or survive, but to THRIVE and see what you see in me!  To move without regret, without judgment, without “I can’t”, without envy, without selfishness, without believing the lies I conjure up or get thrown at from the world. God’s love and vision for me is greater!

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won; May I reach Heaven's joys, O bright Heaven's Sun!Heart of my own heart, whatever befall; Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all

Be Thou my Vision

Re-versed in English by Eleanor HullTraditional Irish Hymn

Time to reflect

It is time to reflect.  I feel forced, and rightfully so, to look back over the year…see my failures, my victories…and ultimately the abundant blessings that has befallen me in 2013. 

It is easy to see the unachieved goals - the jeans I still don’t fit into, the undone projects in the house, the clutter that I am aching to be rid of, and all those songs I have not worked on or recorded.  

Or it can be easy to look at the irritants – the potty training woes, the time I almost smoked out our entire house learning how to use the wood burner, the one millionth question in a row from a 3 year old who I think doesn’t even know what he is asking about anymore, the dogs as they just ate in two seconds the food you took 30 minutes to prepare perfectly for a picky eating boy…and the cries that follow, or a loving but very rough big brother who cannot stop himself from tripping, squishing, or just irritating his little sister (and mother) until she (and I) whines and cries.

But I look back and find those moments now funny and reflect on all the laughter in my house.  My squishy faced little Elsa that entertains me with her expressions and goofy dances, my thought provoking Samuel who seems to have a way with wording his sentences to crack me up almost constantly…until he tells me I smell like “boogers”, and my loving and giving husband who does way more than is expected and how he finds a way to make me laugh…a lot…mostly at the ridiculous things we say or do.

I have learned this year and continue to learn more about the blessings of motherhood.  They are wrapped up and intricately woven within the seemingly rough moments.  That is where the real joy of parenting lies.  Sam is going through a stage where finds every excuse possible to delay bed time.  I hear him cry from his room… "my hand hurts"… "my sippy cup is not full"… "I can’t find my blanket" (which he is lying on)… "my ankle hurts"…. "oh now my other ankle hurts".  As I attend to his 5^th cry of the evening (somewhat irritated that it cuts into my me time), I finally sit with him and talk and pray again and sing to him. He wanted his mother’s comfort and sometimes I just fail to see that simplest need- and I am blessed by this almost missed moment.  Forgive me Lord when my selfishness overcomes my noble task of loving on my kids.

I don’t tend to make resolutions but I am always looking to better myself, be more in the Word, more in prayer, focus more on my, and my family’s, health, etc.  But my biggest goal of next year is to LOVE people more…starting in my home and going beyond - To be more giving of myself and blessing others.  We have that perfect example of Love to follow! The pure and simple truth is that "God is LOVE" 1John 4:8

 May your 2014 be fruitful, full of growth, and full of blessings and love!

Here is love, vast as the ocean,
Lovingkindness as the flood,
When the Prince of Life, our Ransom,
Shed for us His precious blood.
Who His love will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten,
Throughout Heav’n’s eternal days.

On the mount of crucifixion,
Fountains opened deep and wide;
Through the floodgates of God’s mercy
Flowed a vast and gracious tide.
Grace and love, like mighty rivers,
Poured incessant from above,
And Heav’n’s peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love.

Here is Love

William Rees